Jump

 Scott moved out two days ago. The relationship is over, the engagement off. I had never fallen out of Love with someone before until now. It's was horrible. He deserves someone who Loves him. But, he doesn't understand that. Things will be better in time. My Soul search is on...

To fill a Void

  So, I bought a house. I love my home. But my personal relationships have suffered a horrible trauma along the way. I am trying to fall back into love but, it isn't looking good. I suppose I have had an eye opening event of some sort. I see most people as unattractive, selfish, and boring. Which is an exact reflection of myself. I am lucky that I can now channel my energy into the house, cleaning, yard work,or exercising to prolong the inevitable. I just don't think I can emotionally and financially do it right now. I'm not sure whats going on in my head/heart but a shift has happened. I'm waiting for some time to help clear the fog so I can make a clear decision on what my next move will be. I just hope I make the right choice. 
                                                                         ::cheers::
  I have also started a strict diet, and taking appetite suppressants which really do help. I'm hoping this will make me feel better about myself. I've been trying to determine my self worth, soul searching in a way. Which, has lead me feeling more empty than anything. I'm boring, haven't much skill, smarts or humor. I have lost the will to entertain. I no longer want to please everyone. I have lost all sexual urges and desires(Borderline identity crises is happening right now.). Yet again the more I ponder whats happening, the more confused I get. Let's just take it one day at a time. And Hope for the Best.

Time Crunch

  At this point in Life I thought I would have had more things figured out, have more to show from the path I have walked. What i do have it my Three Sweet birds, a One room apartment and a Fiance who, truly does Love me. I struggle with my weight as i always have, and have to work on Loving myself each and every day. Anti-depressants are needed to take the edge of social situations and, I utilize the tools taught in all those years I spent in therapy. I've learned that you have to let the little thing's slide and focus on the thing's you have control over(which usually isn't much). Besides all those everyday things, the issues I need to know focus on is where I want to go from here. I don't have a chemical dependency to worry about, or live in a hostile environment anymore. I have a steady, decent paying job, and a reasonably healthy (serious) relationship with a person that just wants to make me happy. I have a goal to put a down payment on a house within the next six months, but can't seem to sit down and plan a wedding or ever wrap my head around the idea of having children. Will these things come to me with time?

It's been a while

 I just erased all 127 Blogs I've previously written. I've decided that I made a fresh start in life, it should carry on into the Internet. When I have the time I will write whats on my mind and situations that I get myself into. Also all the pathetic, ridiculous and absolutely true things about myself.